Letters
10th of august ; 19 :13 To Lohan
« …really, did u stop da meds by urself? my psychiatrist is decreasing my doses; he thinks am getting better...i dunno how...but ya...i think i just need to decide to get better, n start believing in da powern of the mind again; kinda let myself go...started smoking pot again, its nice i like it, i missed it. dunno wat ur dream means...maybe u should start cooking classes?hehe
i guess ur on ur own medication now hey...well as long as it works for u... »
10th of august ; 19 :30 2010 To Lohan
« I read in 1 of my meds dat side effects include confusion n disorientation...it explains it all, its not me its da meds.I really feel like people are speaking another language sometimes, its so weird i just go blank and dont understand, then i feel stupid coz they all get it exept me...maybe i am stupid?But if i was i would be a sheep and follow everyone else blindly. i think my head is full just like my pc it sometimes shuts down or goes blue, to many countries, languages, cultures, people, adaptation, fuck i need stability. »
« Without me its blank coz me not here to see » - Lohan Buchner Keller
« i need good things i've been taking peoples shit for too long.
AAAAAAAAAH THE FAT LADY SANG »
17 July at 11:05
« i read in some psychology book that dreaming of stormy sea means your soul is restless, you need to talk to urself and figure out wats wrong, i know not easy, some people live and die with a restless soul, they think thats just life and the way it should be. I think we can feel better and this is not how we supposed to feel, i know it. And because we miserable now means that we fighting and finding a way to be better.We brainstorming. The first step to feeling better is reaaaally wanting it! I realised dat for a long time i indulged in my depression, i liked feeling dark and cynical, i hated beeing with happy people, i mean they are annoying at times, not all of them but well all people annoy you someday. I wanna get a dog »… « hahaha yeah ur right more irritating than happy people is people that act happy! »
27th of July ; 13 ;31 to Nadia
« Dont let people get to you, you doing nothing wrong, you hurting and they wont get it coz some people cant do compassion or empathy its too difficult for the simple minded lol seriously its a gift. You on the other hand despite all that happened with cameron u still care and that makes you a greater person, seriously ur a pure soul and thats why u suffering in a corrupted world...people dont wanna believe that u can be that good, its sooo rare. »
27th of July ; 13 :38 to Nadia
« and someone i can talk to and mostly who makes me laugh i need to laugh man!! btw check out the anime on my page the one with the old lady who wants to die its hilarious you'd love it.
I feel bad for cameron, shit i dont know what i would do...i think just let her go gurly you cant handle more pain, it might sound selfish but its gonna hurt u when she's gone...i dunno, unless u feel like u have unfinished work then go and see her, if u think u have the strength be there for her that if she lets you. U know what ask the universe, ask ur crystal and the angel cards, try and see if u can get hold of her if it doesnt go smoothly then the universe is telling u to let go, if u get hold of her than go for it. In anycase am here and tell me how it goes, the problem is i know u cant cry and express ur emotions so u might end up with a more crowded soul... »
ps: shit we should sooo write a book togather, u take care of the spelling and all that i'lll just mimic my thoughts like a monkey hahahaha
23 July at 13:50
« i want peace of mind »
17 July at 10:56
ps: my hair is bright red, nadia says i look like a manga chick, i think i just look weird :p
13 July at 00:55
« Its funny u saying that am dependant on others tonite, i just heard it from close friends and it hurt. You know i used to be completly the opposite then people told me i should be more open, allow others to help me and trust others so i did that, and it took a shit load of hard work and now they telling me that am too dependant(am not talking bout u am sure u just said that) so anyways what the fuck? What is the right thing to do. Am gonna be on my own for a while. Take care of myself, well i'll try, when am down it really helped seeing people, i'll find another alternative...its just that i cant help showing my friends that am in pain.
Tonite i wrote suicide notes to my family then i realised how stupid that was.
i'll be until am meant to be the way am meant to be. »
10 July at 14:03
« someone told me once that its good to dream alot, dreams are another world that you live more openly even tho they dont always seem to make sense they not sensored. u fully express urself in your dream life. And the more you dream the more issues you will resolve. Its good that u dreaming, its proven that people who dream more and remember their dreams, mature quicker. The dove died dat was his last day if u dream bout him u'll get over it faster. »
07 July at 21:16
« I say spain, germany is a good team but they dont have the spanish passion »
3 July at 20:44
« I had too much fish. »
03 July at 21:32
« I should stop hurting myself or do it properly. sometimes i completly loose it..fear go away. i dont like this planet. but am still here so lalala
whats the cure for anxiety? When is the nightmare ending? A m paranoid, am seeing people like creatures around me, ready to attack. i wish i was making things up, it feels so real »
03 July at 20:53
« I cant stop am addicted u cant take it away now! Am running out of substitutes for my habits, old ones... i feel like a vegetable today. I know what my problem is, i didnt grow up, am still a little girl...what to do? I dont trust or believe any psychologist or doctor. People say too much, a way more than they should, why did we have to be a talking animal? Am hearing so many useless information that stays in my head and poisons it, yes coz just like a kid my mind is a sponge as i never grew up i have no filter that differenciates between right and wrong, truth and a lie. I kind of believe everything people say...hmmm but at the same time i dont trust them weird and confusing. »
01 July at 22:56
« just finished ma show! was awesome, adrenaline, the stage fear n most of all the people applauding, feels goooood, yeaaah i love the attention »
29 June at 09:41
« my dancing show is this thursday. Am bulimic again. havent seen the shrink in a while...sliping down the cliff as desperation crawls back. GOOD MORNING!Morning, does it come from to mourn?Naah its spelled differently i think ? ya My left brain has left the building..
29 June at 09:45
« ps: ur dream is interesting, i just dont have the brain to analyse it now...shrink, yeah gd idea, i miss them shrinks sometimes if they werent that expensive i'd go more often just to have a laugh at the way they are and the bullshit they say. did anyone ever get better thx to their shrink? Yhey been kinda useless to me... »
29 June at 12:42
« sounds rad! a wedding in vietnam, is it gonna be a traditional 1?
Am choking on salad, gotta go rehearse in a while »
27 June at 09:48
« goofed monring! »
07 September 2007 at 14:43
« its not a gay questions, its part of ur social conscioussness u know, individualist! hehe ya u are an individualist, just because it doesn't concern u doesn't mean that u shouldn't care...no? mmmmm ur question really didn't stimulate me intellectually... »
Christian Carl 28 January 2008 at 15:31
Its ur mothership calling....... Whazuuuuuuuup!!!! how dOin what have u been up 2?
« well am all the way in the north, working, no holidays for me :( surrounded by lots n lots of short tempered meditterraneans! Da food is good tho hehe. Is da sun brighter in da south? »
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